Thick Skin
by danang1970
Summary: No one thinks it bothers Murdock when he goes home alone every night. A thoughtless comment reveals how wrong that is.  SLASH
1. Parts 1 & 2

PART ONE:

Face didn't hear the comment that did it. He'd been half-listening to Hannibal's drunken reminiscing of a particularly adventurous blonde he'd met in Japan on leave in '90 and half scanning the bar for potential future reminiscence-worthy women of his own. This being New York, there was no shortage of talent in that regard. It was going to be two exhausting, productive weeks of leave. Face couldn't wait.

Just as Hannibal was getting to a particularly detailed account of the blonde's penchant for leather getups ("_On herself," _Face hoped silently. "_Please, please on herself.")_, there was a clatter that made both men turn. BA was seated at the bar, looking shocked as Murdock glared at him with clenched fists. His own stool had fallen behind him, explaining the noise. BA reached towards Murdock's arm and tried to speak but the pilot jerked away, spitting something that Face and Hannibal couldn't hear before hurrying out the door without looking back.

Face and Hannibal exchanged dumbfounded looks before splitting up, Face after Murdock and Hannibal beelining (in the style of a weavy, over-pollinated bee) for BA.

"Report, Corporal," announced Hannibal as he reached the other man, before dissolving into snorting laughter at his own hilarity. He'd said "Report, Corporal" like this was an official situation, and it wasn't official at all! Hannibal's sense of humour deteriorated immensely with every lager.

BA shook his head and sighed. "Damn," he muttered softly, more to himself than the giggling Colonel.

He hadn't meant it the way it had come out. He and Murdock had been scoping the room, much in the same way as Face (Hannibal being a lost cause after 5 drinks, when he always got misty-eyed about some woman or other he'd met over his long, long life). Murdock had pointed out a cute brunette and made some comment, and BA just had to open his big mouth.

Loosened up by alcohol and the fact that he and Murdock had actually been getting along a bit better lately (that is, Murdock had limited himself to accents from the UK while pestering BA in the garage, therefore halving the amount of death threats BA felt it necessary to deliver), BA turned to Murdock and scoffed. "Whatever, man."

Murdock, eyes bright from the fruity – literally, there were huge chunks of fruit floating in it – cocktails he'd been consuming, kept grinning. "What?"

And BA just had to push it, hadn't he? "You ain't going home with that girl." In hindsight, BA knew that he should have seen that Murdock's smile got a little frozen. "You never pick up, crazy. I don't know why you gotta keep up the front. It's cool, man." He'd even put a comforting hand on Murdock's shoulder. "I mean, can't be easy trying to convince some girl to go back to your padded room."

BA had laughed at that, head down as he chuckled so he hadn't seen the expression on Murdock's face. He wanted to think that he would have stopped, if he'd known.

"And I guess the women who'd go home with someone who's, you know, they probably ain't all there themselves," BA had mused in what he thought was drunken understanding. "I don't blame you, man. Hey, I'd pick my hand too over the kinds of crazy bitches who'd sleep with-"

That was when Murdock stood up violently, knocking his stool over, and it all went to shit.

Murdock had glared at BA, anger and embarrassment and who knew what else staining his cheeks a blotchy red. His eyes were bright but it wasn't just the drinks anymore, and when he said, "Fuck you, Bosco. Fuck. You," it was in a low tone that BA had never heard from the pilot before.

Now he'd stormed off into the night like a drama queen (and BA mentally chided himself for insulting the fool at this point – it was just second nature). Hannibal had gotten distracted after BA didn't answer and was telling the cute brunette from earlier about the time he single-handedly took down a Mexican warlord and his gang. BA was pretty sure that had never happened (or if it had, Hannibal had probably been wearing a shirt and hadn't cried, "For freedom!" while firing an Uzi), but that was the least of his concerns at the moment.

"Fuck it," he muttered, stumbling off the stool (whoops, still a little drunker than he thought). Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the exit.

PART TWO:

"Murdock. Hey, Murdock!" Damn, the pilot was fast. By the time Face got out the door, his friend was already halfway up the street, arm out to hail a taxi. He didn't acknowledge Face as the blond jogged up and scooted himself into the cab as well. Apart from giving the driver the address of the hotel they were staying at, he was silent for the whole trip, staring out the window in a way that Face wasn't sure was moody or upset or annoyed or all three.

Once at the hotel, Face tottered after Murdock, who accepted it with a sigh when the conman followed him into his hotel room. He went straight to the kitchen area and rummaged around for a few moments, returning with two glasses of hotel-issue scotch on the rocks. Handing one to Face, he gestured to the sofa.

"Out with it," Murdock said in a resigned tone as they settled themselves.

Face took a sip of scotch. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Blaaaaaaaaaeeeh!" Okay, Face was still pretty drunk. "Wrong answer. Something's wrong. I'm a doctor, I can tell."

Murdock snorted despite himself. "You're only a doctor when you're trying to pick up college students."

"Maybe I'm trying to pick up now." Murdock turned to him, eyebrow raised. "I'm trying to pick up... my friend's mood."

"Oh god," groaned Murdock as Face dissolved into hiccupping giggles.

"No, no seriously," said Face, precariously close to spilling his drink. "What's wrong? Do you need me to beat up Bosco for you? Or you can do it, and I'll film it so you can watch it over and over."

"It's fine, Facey." Murdock seemed to have decided that Face wasn't equipped to help him at the moment. "Don't worry about it."

"I AM worried," said Face indignantly. "Well, not worried. Sad for you. Mad, if you want me to be mad. Come on, buddy. Lean on me." Murdock winced, knowing what was coming. Sure enough: _"When you're not strong! I'll be your friend, something someth... CARRY ON! For, it won't be long, 'til I'm gonna need, s'mthingandits CARRY ON!"_

"Do you want me to get the bullhorn?" asked Murdock. "Because I will. You don't want to play the Annoying Noises game with me."

"That's not annoying noises!" said Face, thankfully no longer singing. "Those are my _dulcet tones_."

Murdock snorted and relaxed slightly. Okay, cool. Maybe Face would be tactful and just let it go.

"So seriously, what's up your butt?"

Or not.

"I mean," Face clarified around another sip of scotch, "why did you leave so fast? Did BA say something?" His expression was bleary but earnest.

Murdock sighed. "You wouldn't understand, Face."

"Try me. I understand a lot of things. Like..." His gaze wandered as he thought. "I know that Hannibal pinches the bridge of his nose when he's trying to act like he's annoyed but he's really not, and his nostrils flare when it's real. I know that you chew on your thumbnail when you're upset, not crazy upset but just like normal upset. See, you're doing it now."

Murdock pulled his hand away from his mouth. "That's cheating."

"That's UNDERSTANDING." Face scooted closer to Murdock on the couch, laying his head on the cushions and looking at him imploringly.

"You really wouldn't get this, Face," said Murdock, patting his friend's head affectionately. "How many times have you been turned down?" It was out before he could stop it.

Face's brow furrowed. "Bosco... turned you down?"

Murdock rolled his eyes. "No, but thank you for taking that in stride." Face still looked confused. "It's just... You ever see me pick up a girl, Faceman?"

"No..." Face's tone was wary now. "Is this, um, is this one of those conversations where I'm not supposed to ask...?"

Murdock sighed. "Forget it, Face," he muttered, taking a swig of scotch.

Face sat up, setting his own drink on the coffee table. "Nononono, I can help. I'm sorry. Okay. I won't talk anymore. You go. Shh. That's me, shushing to be quiet. Shh."

_What the hell,_ thought Murdock. Face probably wouldn't remember this tomorrow anyway. "It's... You have no idea how hard it is being around you fellas, do you? Don't talk, that was a rhetorical question." Face let out the breath of air he'd inhaled. "You're all streamlined and perfect, not just at what you do, but who you _are_. I'm not sitting here complaining that my ass looks fat in a flight suit or anything, it's just... It's hard sometimes. What?"

Face was holding his hand in the air, making tiny "ooh, ooh" noises like a chimp or especially eager schoolchild. He opened his mouth slowly, and when Murdock sighed and nodded, he spoke. "You're a streamlined pilot," he said seriously. "And your ass doesn't look fat. It looks great."

"Um." Murdock laughed because he didn't know what else to do. "Thanks, man. But that not it. Have you ever...? My first time with a girl – can I tell you this without it getting weird?" Face nodded. "My first time, I was 15, and it was with a girl I knew who'd just been dumped by her boyfriend. I'd been in love with this girl for years, never made it past the friend zone. She initiated it, and the whole time I was worried that I was taking advantage of her." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, after it was over, we're lying there, and she says, 'I really wish Brian was here.' I spent the next hour comforting her while she tells me that no one as good as Brian will ever look at her again."

"Bitch," said Face. "Want me to go beat her up?"

"No, that's okay. I don't know why... It wasn't that big a deal. I didn't go home and carve her name into my arm with my compass or anything. It's just, it didn't really get better from there. What am I meant to say to someone if I'm interested? 'Oh I'd love to come back to your place, but I don't have tomorrow's meds on me so I'll have to bail. It's nothing personal! Oh, what are the meds for? Well. Take a seat!' I don't know." Murdock took another sip of his drink. "I got sick of fucking people who were high or drunk or slutty, or who just didn't know me. It sounds really corny, but I'm not interested in sleeping with someone if I can't have a real connection with them. I've done that. It's all I've done. I'm over it."

If Face noticed the indefinite article, he didn't mention it. He watched Murdock swirl the ice around in his glass.

"I guess now," Murdock continued slowly, "I'm thinking I might not get that. I spend most of my time in the Army or bouncing around between hospitals. It's just not gonna happen. I don't know which is bothering me more, the thought of never having sex again or going back to the kind of shit I used to do."

He glanced over and would have asked if he'd gone over the bro-limit for sharing of feelings, but Face leaned over and kissed him.


	2. Parts 3, 4 & 5

PART THREE:

It was softer than Murdock would have expected, if he'd been expecting it at all. Face's lips were gentle against his own, chaste, his tongue tentatively tracing Murdock's lower lip without demanding anything. It was almost sweet, Murdock would reflect later, but now his reflexes kicked in and he pulled back sharply.

"Woah, no, Face," he said, scooting back slightly on the couch. "That's not what I..." He laughed nervously again, licking his lips and rubbing his hands on his jeans so Face wouldn't notice them trembling. "I appreciate it, but I don't need that. Um. Thanks though?"

Face was staring at him intently. Well, as intently as someone who could only focus properly with one eye at a time was capable. He was still too close. Murdock could smell the scotch on his breath and it made his stomach roll unpleasantly.

Scooting closer, Face grabbed Murdock's wrist lightly. "I know you don't need it. I want to do it." He leaned in again, awkwardly pressing his lips to Murdock's before the pilot pulled back again.

"No, Face," protested Murdock, trying to get a word in while Face channelled his inner octopus and attempted to mash his face against Murdock's. "Face, stop it." There was a hard note to his voice now that made Face pull back, though he didn't relinquish his grip on his friend's wrist. Murdock's throat felt tight.

"This is exactly what I meant," he said, trying to breathe through the rising anxiety and gremlins in his head that were starting to whisper nasty things. "I don't want your drunken pity or the load you couldn't spend in some girl from the bar because you had to make sure your crazy friend got home okay." It was uncharacteristically crass for the pilot, and Face frowned. "I'm not interested in that, Face. That's what I was saying."

"I'm not doing this because I'm drunk," said Face incredulously, as though he couldn't understand why Murdock would think that. "I am drunk, but I've wanted to do this and it's only because I'm drunk that I have the balls. That's the only part where... Seriously man, you think I make out with everyone just to make them feel better? Do you know how chapped my lips would get?"

The thought seemed to fill him with genuine horror and Murdock couldn't help but shake his head affectionately as Face continued. "I don't do pity and I don't do uggos. I know that's not what I'm supposed to call them. Attractively-challenged. Differently-facialled. Whatever. You're HOT." Murdock flushed and looked down self-consciously. "You are," Face insisted. "I meant what I said about your butt. It's nice. _You're_ nice. I just... I can't believe you don't see it. Don't you look in the mirror every day and go, like, 'Damn, check me out,'?"

"We don't all share your morning routine, Face."

"Well, you should," said Face bluntly. "I can't believe you- You saying that it's a choice between people who are high with no standards or never getting laid again, that's bullshit. BULLSHIT." He nearly shouted it. "Look at me. I'm, okay yeah I'm drunk, but I have impeccably high standards." When Murdock still looked unconvinced, he continued, "I've thought about you while jerking off."

"Jesus!" Murdock had no idea how to respond to that. "That's. Okay. Okay, Face, you are really gonna regret this in the morning, so maybe you should stop talking now."

"Nope." Face could be infuriatingly stubborn when he wanted to be. "You're hot. I would do you so good. I would lay you down by the fire."

Murdock drained the rest of his scotch. "Face..."

"Cradle you tender. Make our bodies as one." He giggled again. "Come on man, do I have to sing Barry Manilow to you?"

"Face. Why are you saying all this? I told you, I don't need it. Is this funny to you or something?"

Face sighed dramatically, accidentally huffing saliva over his chin. Wiping it off with as much dignity as possible, he replied, "It's not funny. It's sad and stupid. I'm telling you because it's TRUE. God you're annoying."

Murdock's indignant reply was cut off by a gentle knock at the door.

"Hey," came an unusually hesitant voice from just outside. "It's BA. You in there, fool?"

PART FOUR:

Murdock stood and unlocked the door, continuing to the kitchen without pause. "It's open," he called, snagging more mini-bar drinks and looping back to the sofa. It was already the weirdest, most awkward conversation of his life. May as well get everything over with in one go.

BA shuffled in, pausing uncomfortably when he saw Face before sitting himself in the armchair to the left of the sofa.

"Hi, BA!" chirped Face as Murdock tossed the Corporal a tiny bottle of vodka. Then he frowned, remembering something. "Hey wait, I'm mad at you!" His head swivelled. "Murdock, are we mad at him?" Without waiting for a reply, he turned back to BA. "What did you say to him?"

BA shifted in his seat, not really wanting an audience, especially a babbly irritating one. He looked at Murdock. "Man, I'm sorry. I said something stupid and I didn't mean it the way it came out. Didn't mean to imply... Anyway. I'm sorry."

Murdock ducked his head, embarrassed. This was really a lot of fuss. "It's okay, Bosco. We're cool."

"No we're not," argued Face. "Because of you," he pointed accusingly at BA, "he doesn't think I want to have sex with him."

BA honestly had no reply to that. "Uh..."

"I know!" said Face, misinterpreting completely. "It's ridiculous! You're so fuckable, Murdock. Can I suck your cock?"

BA stood up abruptly. "I'm going to bed," he announced, opening his tiny vodka and downing it in one gulp. "See y'all in the morning."

"Wait, no, don't go!" Murdock sounded legitimately terrified of staying alone with Face, which BA couldn't really blame him for. The conman was now draping himself over Murdock, trying to nibble his ear while fumbling hands wandered dangerously close to the pilot's crotch. Murdock was half-heartedly squirming away, looking conflicted and almost panicked.

BA took pity. Marching over, he pulled Murdock to his feet and out of Face's clutches. Before his friend had a chance to react, BA pulled Murdock forward and kissed him roughly. Murdock froze in shock before tentatively relaxing into it. BA's tongue swiped at his, the bigger man saying with actions what he could never, on pain of death, say with words.

"There," he said roughly, releasing a dazed Murdock. "Face is right. Don't be an idiot, fool." Before Murdock could formulate a response, BA was out the door, nearly slamming it behind him.

Murdock collapsed onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. Face gawped at the door as if expecting BA to return, naked with a rose between his teeth. When a few moments passed and that didn't happen, he leaned back into the sofa.

"Wow," breathed Face. He turned to Murdock. "Do you believe me now?"

Murdock moaned and shook his head. "Go to bed, Face." He stood up and stumbled towards the small bedroom, either the drinks or the kiss making his legs unsteady. Without another word, he closed the door, leaving Face pouting on the sofa.

PART FIVE:

Something felt really, really good. Floating peacefully in that cloudy stage between awake and asleep, Murdock shifted and muttered something unintelligible as his body responded to some very pleasant sensations. There was moist heat around his cock, making his hips twitch of their own accord and flooding him with the familiar sensations of arousal. His nipples contracted and he moaned as his balls were cupped and rolled. His hand drifted down reflexively, meeting with-

"Ah!" Murdock yelped and flinched backwards, his eyes flying open to see Face kneeling by his groin and looking decidedly put out at being stopped.

"Good morning to you too," said the conman, reaching forward to grip Murdock's hips and hold him steady.

"Wha?" Murdock wasn't a morning person at the best of times, and he decided he was entitled to a little slack right now as far as articulation was concerned. "What are you-"

"Shh," commanded Face, and Murdock couldn't deny that the expression his friend wore could, by some people, be described as sexy.

"I'm not drunk anymore," Face informed Murdock. "So shut up and let me do this."

He'd been propositioned in worse ways. As Face leaned down and licked a slow stripe up Murdock's cock, swirling his tongue around the head in a way that made his toes curl, Murdock decided that he owed it to his friend to let him make his point. Just this once.

END


End file.
